Distraction
by BoredParanoia
Summary: The L4D team is surrounded... no ammo... no molotovs or pipe bombs... nothing. So it comes as a suprise that Francis comes up with an idea that doesn't involve shooting. Michael Jackson Memorial oneshot.


Disclaimer: Y Bother? You know I don't own this.

* * *

Distraction

Infection. It was everywhere, on everything. The people that now lingered outside were no longer human nor looked like it. They were reduced to mindless monsters with a craving for flesh.

A snap brought Louis back to earth. "Uh, Louis? Aren't you going to do something about my condition?" Louis shook his head and glanced towards the source of the gruff voice. Francis looked pretty bad. Then again Francis shouldn't have been alive after being puked on, pounced on, dragged, clawed, and "tank-stoned."

"Sorry Francis, I was a bit distracted." Francis' eyebrow was lifted. "Lemme guess, you were about to piss in your pants being your usual pessimistic self." Louis' eyes took on a bit of dull rage. "If you put it like that…"

Francis pointed over to Bill. "Why can't you just go be out of character? Like Bill?" Bill was huddled over at a corner, holding a bottle of wine he swiped from a mini-mart. Zoey came over to Francis and Louis. "Is he alright?" Francis shrugged "He'll be, just don't too creeped out." Louis looked over at Francis. "Creeped out about what?"

At that, Bill sat up, staring at the group of three. "Hey, have you tasted this wine? It simply fabulous!" Louis and Zoey simply stared at Bill, mouths hanging wide. Bill continued with a sigh "If only this day could be too. Oh, I know! Let's go find ourselves a copy of Spice World!" Zoey shrugged and went over to Bill "Gimme some of that."

Francis poked Louis in the shoulder. "So when do we move out? Well, considering we let those two work off their drinks?" Louis shook his head. "Well, to head out would equal suicide. Right now, we're out of ammo and bombs, all covered in scratches and we had waste all our first aid kits and pills all on you!" Francis gave an accusing look. "Hey, it isn't my fault that everything bad happened to me!"

Louis nodded. "I know but right now this situation it's all FUBAR, as Mr. Girlie Vet puts it over there." Francis was absentmindly nodded as his eyes were pointed at a certain electronic lying in a corner. Francis picked it up and started to browse through it. When his eyes found what it was looking for, his face beamed with joy.

Louis stared "Francis?" Francis looked back with a strange gleam in his eyes. "I have a plan… that doesn't involve shooting." Louis tilted his head "I don't know you anymore." Gesturing to Louis, Francis began to relate his plan.

Louis looked up with an incredulous look. "This plan is so crazy. I mean, who is going to use this to distract them while the rest of us slip away to the next safe house?" Francis smiled and pointed to himself. Louis had his mouth hang wide. "Really, man, I don't know you."

Francis sighed as he began to break the 4th wall. "Well, this is a plot by the writer to endear myself to the readers and to make me look less like an arrogant, trigger-happy… (image of a donkey) jerk by making me ready to sacrifice my jinxed (image of a donkey) butt for the general survival." Louis shook his head "Alright man, your funeral."

At that, both heard laughter. Behind them, Bill was raising up a hand. "Who wants to get spanked?!? O o o o, naughty, naughty boy!" At that, Zoey, obviously stoned, laid herself across Bill's knee. Both sober men stared at this before Francis broke the ice. "Right after this." Louis smirked as he started recording with his cell phone. "Now that's the Francis I know."

* * *

The horde was waiting for the survivors to come out of their building. One infected turned to another infected "_**Shouldn't we, like, go inside?**_" The infected spoke in the infected language. The other one turned to the first one "_**No, it's your job to stand and growl menacingly at the building until the survivors show themselves. So shut it!**_" To add effect, the other infected slapped the first one.

Bill peeked out the side door and looked around. No horde was hanging around the back door. He gestured to the other two people in his party. Zoey mumbled, "I can't believe you let him do this." Louis shrugged. Together, they went on their way to the safe house.

Infected guy number 1's ear perked up. Then he poked Infected guy number 2 "_**Hey, you hear that?**_" Infected guy number 2 stopped to listen "_**Somehow, investigating is much more interested than killing the survivors. Let's check it out!**_" The horde soon was running towards the source of the strange noise.

When the horde reached the source, they had picked up a tank, hunter, and boomer. The hunter was more agile and faster than the horde, so he was there faster. When the horde got there, they only saw the hunter crouched and tilting his head. The Boomer yelled, "_**Frank, what on earth are you doing? Where is the noise so distracting to us that we missed the rest of the survivors?**_" Frank pointed his finger and the horde's gaze followed it.

Francis had a random hat down so that it covered his eyes, then turned on the ipod radio. Soon a hypnotizing melody came out to calm the horde's bloodthrist… Francis pulled up the hat and began to dance to the tune.

**It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark  
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart  
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it  
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,  
You're paralyzed**

Francis soon pointed at Frank to get up. Frank walked slowly only to get grabbed by the wrist and dragged to Francis' side. Francis made Frank assume a position, then gestured to him to follow his lead.

**'Cause this is thriller, thriller night  
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike  
You know it's thriller, thriller night  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight**

A few infected soon moved in to try to join in, but soon were moving back. Francis looked to see why they were looking scared. He sighed and spun around to take care of it. Frank was turning his head, but Francis gestured to him to keep dancing.

Francis soon was dragging a witch behind, it snarling and trying to claw at him. Francis picked and wagged his finger, pointing at the other infected. The witch growled, but after letting an infected dance, she shrugged and joined in.

**You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run  
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun  
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination  
But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind  
You're out of time**

The tank was standing with the Boomer as they watched the spectacle. More and more infected were coming from all around. The Tank turned to the Boomer. "_This is weird…_" The Boomer agreed, before he noticed and pointed at it. The Tank turned to look. There was a smoker that was using his tongue to swing from lamppost from lamppost. Like Spiderman.

Meanwhile, a chopper was high above the scene. "Chief, you won't believe this!" Soon there was another voice. "Try me, private." "There's a guy in the middle of the street making the infected population dance to Michael Jackson's Thriller!" There was a pause on the line, but when it came back, it sounded a bit out of breath. "All right, private, where did you put it?" The pilot's face put on a confused look "Sir?" The voice soon turned furious "Private, you better let me in on that supply of crack you obviously have!"

**'Cause this is thriller, thriller night  
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes  
You know it's thriller, thriller night  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight**

The Smoker landed with a style that would have garnered 10s. "_Yo guys, where's the party?_" The Boomer and Tank were about to smack the guy upside his head, when the smoker looked to the side. "_Oh, there it is!_" With that, he raced over to join the group. The Tank and Boomer watched the smoker join the party. Then shrugging, they joined in.

**Night creatures call  
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade  
There's no escapin' the jaws of the alien this time (they're open wide)  
This is the end of your life**

Francis was a bit too into the dancing, as he didn't realize he attracted the whole's city infected population. As he turned, his eyes bugged. "Aw, crack! What am I supposed to do now?"

Every zombie was having fun dancing, since it was pretty obvious. The tank sort of messed up and it brought a bit of romantic tension. Somehow, he knocked the smoker, whose tongue spat out. The tongue wrapped around the witch's leg and tripped her. The witch was starting to fall, when a hand reached out and grabbed the witch's wrist. A second later, and the witch found herself in the arms of the hunters. Eyes locked on for a bit, then the hunter got the witch back on her feet.

**They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side  
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial  
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together  
All thru the night I'll save you from the terrors on the screen,  
I'll make you see**

Suddenly, the witch fell down on her knees. The hunter was about to help her up again until he realized she was crying. Sighing, he helped her walk into an abandoned building to comfort her unknown pain.

**That it's a thriller, thriller night  
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try  
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night  
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller,  
Thriller here tonight**

Francis did one final spin then stopped. Stopped to hear, that is. When he turned around, every zombie was on the ground, too tired to do a thing. The tank, though, was trying to get up, but couldn't, due to his broken legs. The Boomer was too fat to get up. The Smoker was too ecstatic to care really. Francis whooped then ran as fast as he could to the Safe House, leaving the Infected to hear the final part.

**Darkness falls across the land  
The midnite hour is close at hand  
Creatures crawl in search of blood  
To terrorize y'awl's neighborhood  
And whosoever shall be found  
Without the soul for getting down  
Must stand and face the hounds of hell  
And rot inside a corpse's shell  
The foulest stench is in the air  
The funk of forty thousand years  
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb  
Are closing in to seal your doom  
And though you fight to stay alive  
Your body starts to shiver  
For no mere mortal can resist  
The evil of the thriller**

**_Rest In Peace, King Of Pop…_**

**_1958-2009_**

Confession: Bill's drunk state was "borrowed" from Maximillion Pegasus in YGO: TAS.


End file.
